Life lately (breaking up and re-building).

24.1.17

We broke up...

I have tried to write this blog post several times and I'm only just in the frame of mind where I can sit down and share it with you guys. Excuse the blunt delivery but there's no other way to say it really, is there. 

A couple of weeks before Christmas my boyfriend asked me for some space. I turned up on my parents doorstep with a suitcase, the dogs, and an ugly crying face, but I was 90% sure we would sort things out after a bit of time apart. Our 18 month relationship had faced some rough rides with my health problems and losing my job, and the pressures he felt as a result of that, along with disappointment after disappointment of not being able to carry out plans/holidays/special occasions as we wanted to. But we were madly in love and made each other happy, and we were both on the same page that we were going to be together forever so this was just a small bump in the road, so everything was going to be alright, right? Wrong. I guess we all have a limit and his had been reached. So it wasn't true love for ever and ever, as I thought it was.

For 30 days straight I cried pretty much all day, every day. I didn't eat or sleep. I felt like I would never be able to smile or be happy again. But time is a great healer and 6 weeks on I feel a little better and brighter, and I know things will fall into place for me because bad things lead to good, always.

The hardest thing is not being able to move on because of my health. Break ups are usually the time to get stuck into your job or a new qualification, get your hair cut, get a new place to live, go to the gym and get fit, channel your energy into new hobbies and go out on the town with your girl friends. So to have chronic fatigue syndrome which has limited my ability to exercise, work, see friends, live independently, and do normal things like everyone else, has been quite frustrating. But I have to accept that this is where I am right now, and I have to build up my health, mind, strength and confidence before launching back into the real world again. For now I will be taking things steady and giving myself a break.


12 comments:

  1. Oh lovely that is so sad, I'm sorry it didn't work out, that sucks big time. I hope you are feeling a bit better now, and maybe now you will have a bit more time to get well and do things at a pace to suit yourself and what you can handle.
    Seems you are having a bit of a shit time of it lately, so please accept a virtual hug from an online stranger.
    Chloe x

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  2. This may not be a helpful comment, but I you're absolutely right than in the end you will look back and know that in the end this led to something good. I also think being in a relationship with someone who has an illness like CFS can be incredibly challenging, however so can lots of things in life in very different ways e.g. having kids, family bereavement, etc. Sometimes it's useful to know how someone reacts when the going gets rough so that you can move on and find someone who will be with you through thick and really, really wafer thin times. You are such an inspiration and even though it might not feel like it, we are all reading and rooting for you, thank you for sharing this so that others in similar situations can see they are not alone! xx

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  3. So sorry to hear this, hope things get better for you soon, just take one day at a time :)

    Rachael xx.
    theteacozykitchen.blogspot.co.uk

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  4. I've had that same frustration since Ben and I split- I can't immerse myself in all of the normal things like work, running, even comfort eating because of everything else- it feels like a real catch-22 situation. If we take the time to look after ourselves now though we can get out of this and get back to living how we should be. This is just a pit stop, not a final destination xxx

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  5. So sorry to hear this loves :( but I agree with what India says above, yes you may have been in love, but if he couldn't stick with you through the difficult times then he was not the one for you to share your life with. Some people (especially men!) aren't as strong as the likes of us Jacksons who seem to have constant shit thrown at us to test us but still remain standing. My ex left me just weeks after getting my diagnosis and also having no job etc, it was awful, but you will always have your strength and there will be others out there as strong as you that can stand by you as you pick yourself back up again and again and keep on going. Sending love! Xxx

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  6. Hey Victoria, I don't usually comment but been a reader for a while and clicked here through bloglovin, just got to say your post gave me a lump in my throat and made me nod, I so feel for you and am sorry you are hurting, this sucks. Time WILL heal and you WILL suddenly look back and realise you're fine! Lots of love from a random internet stranger :)

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  7. Hi Victoria- long time reader here too. Just sending you lots of love and hugs. You certainly have had a rough year, but I have a good feeling that things will get better. With everything you have been through, you cant help but come out stronger. Loving the 5 good things posts too xx

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  8. So sorry to hear this Victoria. You've had a tough time of it, but I also think that you're a rather tough cookie. The things you've faced in a short space of time show that, and you truly deserve to be with someone who gives you that 'true love forever'. That guy is out there and you will 100% find him. In the mean time, focus on you, your health and take things as baby steps. The rest will look after itself. Always here if you need a chat. Lots of love xxx

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  9. Hey Victoria, long time reader and Instagram follower! I'm so sorry to hear this and really hope you are ok. Just take each day as it comes and by this time next year I am sure things will be so much better. Sending lots of love xxx

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  10. Thinking of you at this difficult time. Be your bright, courageous and beautiful self. Better things await you x

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  11. If you need any of that time spent slowly walking anywhere, not very confidently, you know where I am. I'm not going very fast these days either. And sitting on park benches is a new signature move. �� Big love my dear. Biggest love there is. Xx

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  12. Oh Victoria you are having a rough time of it at the moment. I agree with the others- difficult times are the making of a relationship and whilst it can be challenging for a partner, if they feel unable to support you during these times then it's better to let go and for you both to move on. Concentrate on you for now- get to a place of being well. Set yourself small targets no matter how insignificant they are and build yourself back up. Maybe blog them so we can support you? Chin up lovely girl- things will get better soon x

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